Little Noodle Boy At Skool
by NightmareKitty
Summary: The last part! The ranting final and graduation... What insanity!
1. Awwww How Cute Little Noodle Boy!

Little Noodle Boy Goes to Skool  
  
By Nightmare Kitty  
  
No one much cared, but Happy Noodle Boy wasn't always the big, annoying street preacher noodle. He was once a little annoying schoolboy noodle. He went to Noodle Akademy, filled with many others just like him. or not.  
  
"Suck my cheese! You have NO idea what it's like to be a Ritz Bitz sandwich! Je veut un orginal super cool! Ecoute de mon mechant poisson!" Happy (we'll call characters by their first name in this story) screeched.  
  
"Very good, little squirrel. You will not have to face my spooky cabbage of evil doom today. Here is your soda." The teacher hands Happy a soda, and he swallows the entire can.  
  
In the back of the room, some MEAN noodles sat and talked all MEAN-LIKE about Happy.  
  
"HAPPY IS NEVER HAPPY! Some giant chairs must have come from the sky and abducted his large bag of acorns!" said one, named Popular Noodle Girl.  
  
"My lunch bag says yes! Happy has a large toenail that makes him fish food!" responded another, Britney Noodle Girl.  
  
"No cheeze-wiz about it! Happy is a dumb peanut." the third, Bitchy Noodle Girl, agreed.  
  
Hearing this, Happy stomped over to them and yelled, "May you have cheerios shoved up your pancreas! Have you no respect for my creepy butthole filled with moosey goodness? Suffer as I play pop music backwards, producing subliminal messages of doom which will hypnotize you into sucking out your eardrums!"  
  
They stared for a moment until Bitchy responded, "You are SUCH a marmot."  
  
Happy gasped. "HOW?! HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MARMOTMAN?! His secret identity is hidden behind a mask of true sporkiness! Dunna-dunna-dunna-dunna MARMOTMAN!"  
  
Popular responded, "What a bean burrito he is."  
  
"BEANS, BEANS, THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART! THE MORE YOU EAT THE MORE YOU FART! THE MORE YOU FART THE TASTIER YOUR PISS SO THE POWER OF BEANS MAY YOU NEVER DISMISS!" countered Happy.  
  
After his rendering of the dirty rhyme, the bell rang, and all the young noodles filed into the cafeteria. The lunch noodle yelled "Attention all you spaghetti strings! Our food service of foody doom brings you loads of barbecued reindeer, plastic on a stick and chocolate covered paper! Eat or face my flying chicken-monkeys of evil!"  
  
"Yum. Plastic." thought Happy. He shoved his way through the lunch line, ignoring all who told him not to cut, and yelled at the cafeteria lady, "OH, FOODMASTER! SUPPLY ME WITH MY RUDOLPH MEAT AND SYNTHETIC MATERIAL SHISHKABOB! GIVE ME MY PAPERY DESSERT!" And that she did.  
  
"What a nice pumpkin," she beamed as he paid and went to sit at his table. He started to read from his textbook, titled: "How to Survive Gunshot Wounds From Annoyed People." Getting Shot was his hardest subject, as he always died in practice rants from some asshole with a gun. He already had an F in the class, meaning "Fucked for life" in the Akademy's grading system. If he wanted to be an effective street preacher, he would have to survive the gun wounds, NOT just reanimate twenty minutes after being shot. His eyes widened at the sudden thought. "HOLY COOKIE! THE TEST OF DEATHY TESTING IS COMING! I AM NOT A HAPPY TISSUE!" he yelled out loud, realizing Getting Shot was his next class.  
  
"FREAK!" yelled Britney from across the cafeteria.  
  
To be continued. will Happy pass his Getting Shot exam? Will the mean noodles stop being all mean and stuff? WHAT IS WITH MARMOTMAN?! Find out next chapter. 


	2. Wiggly Nuts and Bad Makeup Aren't For Te...

Little Noodle Boy At Skool, Part II  
  
By Nightmare Kitty  
  
Mr. Soggy Potato sat at his desk, waiting for the bell to ring. Today was the big test: if the students couldn't reanimate and start saying. er, shtuff again, they would probably never be successful street preachers. Finally, it rang, and the students shuffled in nervously. Happy came in last, nervous, paler than usual.  
  
After reciting the usual rule of tests in the class, Mr. Soggy Potato assigned partners, giving each one a different kind of gun.  
  
Britney groaned. She had been assigned to Happy. Worse, she got a puny pocket gun, while he got a semi-automatic machine gun. Well, she thought, trying to think on the bright side, I'll at least get to shoot him..  
  
They had to go first, to both their dismay. Happy had to be first to get shot. Britney hoped he wouldn't get a chance to shoot her, due to the fact that he would be dead.  
  
Happy started ranting, "MY PEN DOESN'T LIKE YOUR STAPLER! PULL MY FINGER AND MY BUTT WILL SING A MAGICAL SONG! SHISKABOBBED STYROFOAM CAUSES -"  
  
Britney took aim and shot him, and the class, most of whom hoped he would fail, started counting down the seconds he had left to do shtuff again.  
  
"Five."  
  
Happy spasmed.  
  
"Four."  
  
He moaned.  
  
"Three."  
  
Anticipation grew higher, and his eye twitched.  
  
"Two."  
  
"I AM WIGGLING MY NUTS! WITNESS MY TESTICULAR MOTIONS!"  
  
"Ewwwwww." The noodles in the audience shouted.  
  
"NOW IT'S MY TURN!" Noodle Boy, miraculously cured a la Looney Tunes, got up and fired three whole rounds of bullets at the popular noodle girl, and she shrieked as she fell to the floor.  
  
The kids counted down nervously this time, not wanting Britney to fail. "Five."  
  
She continued to shriek, whilst Happy laughed maniacally.  
  
"Four."  
  
She was crying and spasming at the same time.  
  
"Three."  
  
Her eyes widened at her sudden realization.  
  
"Two."  
  
She reached for her mirror.  
  
"One."  
  
She screamed, "MY MAKEUP!" People miles away peered around, wondering what was going on in the nearby girls' bathroom.  
  
It was a sad, sad day for the popular kids. Britney had gotten a very low grade on the test, while the Noodle Freak had aced it. Plus, she had publicly embarrassed herself in front of the whole class by HAVING BAD MAKEUP! Happy smirked at them walking despondently through the halls.  
  
"Oh, go to Guam, you Pig-Meat Hamster!" Britney growled.  
  
Unfortunately for her, Mr. Soggy Potato was nearby and heard this, and she and him had a great time writing "I Will Not Tease a World-Class Chow-Mein String" on the board.  
  
What will happen in Noodle Boy's school adventures next? Find out in. DUN DUN DUN! Part III! 


	3. The Beginning of a Great Street Preacher

Little Noodle Boy At Skool Part 3  
  
By Nightmare Kitty  
  
A/N: sorry, ppl. I had a lot of hw, and this week was very hectic (I.M. me if u want the details. I could use some company). Here we go. WEEEEEEEEEE....  
  
Ranting Class. Happy breathed out with relief. His best class. He was SURE to ace this composition assignment, requiring him to write and perform an original rant. He walked into the class and sat down in the seat farthest to the front-left (I.Z. fans: notice anything?). The bell rang, "MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and the kids filed in and sat down. The teacher, Ms. Magic Dooky, took role and sent the teacher's pet, Brown-Nose Noodle Girl, down to the office with it. A noodle girl dressed in Backstreet Noodle attire came up and read her rant. [A/N: yay! real insanity!]  
  
"NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF COWPIES ON THE WALL! SING! SING WITH ME THE JOYOUS SONG OF COWS! TASTE MY WAD OF TISSUE PAPER AND DANCE TO SAPPY DISNEY TUNES LIKE A MORONIC WASTE PILE! MY PILLOWS MAY NOT BE SOLD IN A WALMART!"  
  
"Very nice, Superficial Noodle Girl. However, that is third grade ranting, and you are in tenth grade. At least it's an improvement on your first grade rants. You get a D." She sat down despondently and glared venomously at the noodle boy dressed in a trench coat who walked to the front of the room.  
  
"TASTE WITH ME SPOOKY POSTERBOARD OF DEATH! CHOKE ON ITS CHEWYNESS AND SPASM LIKE CHEESE! SEIZURES MAKE YOU GOOD LITTLE SAUSAGE NUGGETS. SPEAKING OF DORITOS, MY COFFEE IS MADE OF REFRIED BEANS AND MONKEY TESTICLES! DOOM SHALL BEFALL HE WHO MESSES WITH THE MIGHTY DALMATIAN OF SPOOKY SODA CANS!"  
  
"Good job, Gothic Noodle Boy. You get a B."  
  
"WOOP! EAT MY DISHWASHER, SUPERFICIAL!" He shouted.  
  
Rants such as these continued for quite some time, until Happy, who was last, got up. He cleared his throat hoping that he would be the best...  
  
"MY MAGICAL TOILET WISHES TO TAKE U ON A RIDE OF ANAL WASTE! THE SCARY LEPRACHAUN'S LUCKY CHARMS AREN'T CEREAL MARSHMALLOWS! MAY THE PEDOPHILIC FUCK CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND COPULATE WITH BABY PENGUINS! SUNKIST OR MINUTE MAID? QUACK FOR AN ANSWER! STYROFOAM FARTS MAKE SHITTY LAWN GNOMES!"  
  
"VERY GOOD, Happy! You get an A!"  
  
"WEEEHHHEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEE! SHOVE A LIGHTED CANDLE UP MY ASS AND CALL ME CHARLIE!"  
  
"Okay, class, as you know, next week is finals. I want u all to know."  
  
"OH, GREAT FLYING BELUGA! MAY THE GREAT MARKER IN THE SKY HELP ME, FOR I HAVE NEGLECTED TO ENHANCE MY YELLOW HEAD TOWELS!" Happy shouted in realization.  
  
Will Happy ace his finals, or is he doomed to failure or something like that? Find out in the next chapter. 


	4. Weird Noodles Unite! Uh, Yeah

Little Noodle Boy At Skool Part Four: Finals, Part One  
  
A/N: Sorry! Very, very busy with several fics, social issues, sick pets, realizing spooky powers are mine, and midterms.  
  
Little Happy was distraught. He had forgotten all about finals. And his first final was in Getting Shot! Worse, it was TOMORROW!!  
  
Late into the night, pumped up on caffeine-abundant cheese sandwiches, Happy toiled, having Gothic Noodle Boy, a fellow outsider and therefore ally, shoot him, counting down the time until he failed.  
  
It was 3 AM when Happy felt he was ready for the test. He fell asleep on the other noodle's booted foot.  
  
Gothic, moving his boot away disgustedly, commented, "Fuckkkk. my night's just beginning." He then moved out, going to his house to test with his socialite brother, Jock Noodle Boy, for the rest of the night. So the twerp was asleep already. Who cared?  
  
The next day, Mr. Soggy Potato watched as his students filed in after lunch. He had a foreboding feeling that there weren't too many people who studied. He explained the rules patiently for the ones in the class who had a few lights missing in the old attic.  
  
"You will be paired up with a peer by random decision. When you and your partner are called up for your exam, you both have 5 seconds to get up and continue your ranting. If not, you FAIL." Eerie red and black light seemed to shoot out of his body. "Huh? Oh, whatever. Well, bladder squeaks, your test begins now. Gothic and Happy?"  
  
Both exulted in this good luck, since they had prepared together for such a long time the last night.  
  
As he was used to doing, Noodle Boy was first in his test.  
  
"EAT FRENCH FRIES, YOU FROSTED FLAKES WEASEL! YOUR PENCIL'S DECEPTION OF MY DESKTOP SUPPLIES DOES NOT FOOL ME!"  
  
Gothic aimed carefully and fired. The shot hit Noodle Boy square in the shoulder. Good. This would be easy for him.  
  
"Five." The classmates counted down, hoping for failure even more after the last time.  
  
"Four." Sweat appeared on Gothic's forehead.  
  
"Three." The fallen Noodle jumped up.  
  
"NO LONGER SHALL I BE A LAME ANTELOPE! THIS BATTLE BETWEEN THE STICKY AND THE PLASTIC MUST CEASE! HEAR ME, OH MIGHTY DOG'S ASS, AS I PRAISE THEE!"  
  
"AWWWW!" the other kids shouted. Britney pouted in the back.  
  
"Good job, Happy. You get an A."  
  
It was Gothic's turn now. Happy brought out his small gun. He had brought his infamous AK-47 that had wounded Britney.  
  
"THE DARKNESS OF A GERBIL'S BUTT IS OVERWHELMING! TAKE ME NOW, GREAT TISSUEBOX, FOR I HAVE FINALLY MET MY MOOSE'S DOOM!"  
  
Happy's bullet shot through Gothic's arm. He also had been aiming for a spot not to critical, to make it easier on his study buddy.  
  
"Five." the kids giggled sadistically, wanting this loser, at least, to fail. Gothic twitched.  
  
"Fou-" they were cut off as the dark clothing-clad noodle jumped up again.  
  
"OH, SHOVE MY SPOOKY PLASTIC BAGS UP INTO YOUR EAR CANAL, YOU MARMOT FUCKS! FEEL MY PAIN, FOR I HAVE EATEN MORE TAXIDERMIED MONKIES THAN MY STOMACH CAN HOLD!"  
  
The other kids growled in resentment. Both of them had passed. Great.  
  
"A+, MR. GOTHIC! GOOD JOB, MY YOUNG CABBAGE SPORKS!" Mr. Soggy Potato yelled in congratulations.  
  
The rest of the class, save for the few other genius noodles, did. not. good. Not that Happy cared. Good. The first one, and the hardest was down. Only five more to go, and then he would begin his great career as a professional street preacher. He couldn't wait. 


	5. The Horribly, Obscenely Happy Ending Thi...

Little Noodle Boy at Skool  
  
Part Five  
  
The rest of the finals went by fast. Now only one last final remained. Ranting. Since their victory in Getting Shot, Happy and Gothic had continued to study with each other. They composed their rants together, and recited them for each other.  
  
"How's this, fried monkey fur? Ahem. 'MR. NOTEBOOK, TASTE MY SCISSORS! THE BURN, THE SCISSORY BURN! FEEL IT, AND SUCK MY DOORKNOB! WATCH LUCKY CHARMS COMMERCIALS AND PUKE! HAMSTER BOY TO THE RESCUE! NO, CHOCOLATE SHAKE, DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!'"  
  
"Eh, not great. Here goes mine! "SMELL THE EVIL JELLO! STUFFED WITH TACQUITO-Y GOODNESS! WATCH ME AS I WHACK YOU WITH SPORKS AND BENDY STRAWS!'"  
  
"Okay. But we both need work, rancid pork chop!"  
  
The next day came too soon. Ms. Magic Dooky watched, bored, as they filed into class. Stupid slacking food sticks, all of them. She explained the rules, as none of them seemed ever to learn.  
  
"HAPPY! COME UP HERE, NOW!"  
  
"Ah-hem. 'LICK THE PLASTIC, TOMMY! LICK THE PLASTIC! I USE SPOOKY VOODOO POWERS TO ENHANCE THE PAPERY GOODNESS! I FOLLOW MY BUTT, WHEREVER IT STRUTS! SET YOUR ANTENNAE ON FIRE, YOU DUMB INSECT FUCKS! I SMELL YOUR DOG'S ASS!"  
  
"Very good, Happy. A-. GOTHIC! You will come up, you miserable piñata stuffing!"  
  
"OH, GREAT PAIN OF THE INTESTINAL GAS, I BOW TO THEE! THE FARTS OF MIGHTY STINK, MAY THE DOOM THEY WREAK BE INCREDIBLE! HOPE IS LOST AS SHIT OF SQUIRREL FLOODS THE WORLD! OH, THE SQUIRRELLY SICKNESS OF THAT!"  
  
"Good, carpet droppings! A!"  
  
The others didn't fare too well. Most got, at best, C-s. They were sad little cabbages.  
  
Speaking of spotted pigs, their graduation ceremony was next week. Gothic was Most Incredible Ranting Fish Stick (translation: valedictorian), while Happy was Magnificent Talking Dooky Bag (Magna Cum Laud, or whatever that is. I don't know).  
  
"AND IN FINISH," Concluded Gothic in his speech, "BECOME HAPPY LITTLE TALKING CHURROS! SLUSHIES MAY BLESS YOU!" The parents, teachers and most of the kids cheered, the loudest being Happy. Britney, Popular and Bitchy sat in the back and pouted.  
  
Happy, well, you all know how he ended up. Still ranting on the streets. Gothic, for his mastering the art of street preaching, was sent to a defective head meat institute, but escaped to a country more tolerant of insanity. I don't know where. Britney, Popular, Bitchy and the other popular noodles worked at Super Boring, Inc., the noodle world's big corporation. They will certainly never star in a comic strip of their own.  
  
THE END! 


End file.
